I remember someone telling me that we should listen twice as much as we speak because God gave us two ears and one mouth. Listening is perhaps the most important skill a mediator can possess, and certainly, what every mediator hopes the participants will do in a mediation. Active listening means hearing and thinking about what the other person is saying. Don’t get caught up in that trap of watching their mouth move and hearing noise but concentrating on what you are going to say next in rebuttal. Turn off the machine, turn down the internal noise, and listen, with care and interest to the other person. You may find that you are not so far apart as you thought you were. Certainly, you will learn why the other person feels the way they do about the situation. But, it requires taking down your defenses and simply listening without worrying about or framing a response until the other person is done. Try it. Try it at home with your spouse of children. You will get good results, I promise. And, as your skill increases, you will find you are more aware of what goes on around you, and you will feel more a part of it. You will make better decisions, and have better relationships…because you will be a person who listens! Active listening will make mediation work more effectively, and, it will open up the path toward a constructive and positive resolution…listen first, then, if you need to, talk.
Two ears and one mouth
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